13 Signs A Man Is Confused About His Feelings For You

A man and a woman have a real meet-cute at a coffee shop. They chat, they laugh, and eventually, they fall for each other’s little eccentricities. This could be you and your guy but he gives you the gift of space instead of flowers. You can’t figure out, “If he likes me, why is he so distant sometimes? Did I do something wrong?” Well, nothing other than hopelessly falling for the wrong guy. Signs a man is confused about you are usually always there. You just don’t see them through the rose-tinted glasses. 

Having second thoughts about a person or a relationship is natural. But it’s not fun to be on the receiving end of that kind of indecisiveness. It makes you insecure about the future and your self-esteem goes down.

When a guy is uncertain about you, it’s important that you think straight and do what’s right for yourself. Let’s help you identify the signs a man is confused about his feelings for you and strategize your next move. 

How Do You Tell If A Man Is Confused About You 

Your gut feelings will give you the first hint. It will be evident if you are more emotionally invested than the guy you are seeing. Suppose you plan to invite him to dinner to meet all your friends.

He, on the other hand, is anxious thinking this is going too fast, and stands you up. A guy with a confused mind will send you all kinds of mixed signals. To spare you any further uncertainty, here are 13 tell-tale signs a man is confused about you:

1. His words and actions don’t align

So this guy says you live in his mind rent-free 24×7. He goes all Shakespearean while expressing how much he misses you. But whenever it comes to meeting you alone, he caves. If he can think about you day and night, how hard is it to make the time for you? 

He assures you that he will always be there for you. He tells you how great you look. He is generous with compliments one day, but acts indifferent the next day.

His words suggest one thing and then he goes ahead and does something entirely different. This is what happens when a man is confused about what he wants.

2. He runs when someone says the word ‘commitment’

A confused man is a dangerous man. He will take every bit of girlfriend benefits from you. He will expect ample emotional and physical intimacy from your end. And he will reciprocate to a certain degree as well.

But whenever the discussion of commitment and labeling the relationship crop up, suddenly you are a nagging girlfriend. He does not want to commit or label the relationship, not yet anyway.

If you want to know how serious he is about you, ask him, “Where do you see us in five years?”

Does he address your question? Does he hang up the call abruptly? Or does he act all squirrely and leave the room when you ask him questions about his intentions? His actions will speak louder. 

3. He treats you differently in front of other people

It seems you are officially dating. You treat each other like new lovers in a mushy relationship. But, to your utter surprise, he will drop the boyfriend act the moment another person is in the vicinity. His change of character will be evident if you go to the same school or meet each other a lot socially through common friends. 

The lovey-dovey gestures and the cute nicknames will vanish when you are in a group. He will treat you like nothing more than a friend.

Oh honey, rest assured the guy you are dating is confused about you. So, he wants to keep whatever is going on between you two a secret from his friends.

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4. He checks out other women in front of you

What could be a clearer message that he is keeping his options open? Whenever you are together, you feel he is not present there even though he is standing right next to you.

If you pay attention, you will notice his eyes are following other women around the room.

Perhaps you catch him replying to someone on a dating app on his phone. It’s one of the signs a man is confused about you and an alarming one at that.

5. His hot and cold behavior indicates his confusion 

There will be days when his love and warmth will make you feel like the luckiest girl in the world. But the affection comes with its fair share of neglect and the sheer disregard of your presence in his life.

In the ‘cold’ phases he will be MIA for long hours, sometimes days, dodging your calls and texts. That’s when he is fighting his feelings for you.

You may notice the same push-pull dynamic in your intimate moments. He will become a brooding, distant person right after you make passionate love. It’s almost as if you can’t reach him anymore. When a man is sure about you, he will be more consistent with his emotions. This erratic behavior is suggestive that he is not sure where this relationship is headed.

6. You are always the first one to text or call

You know his feelings for you are not one hundred percent authentic when he makes zero to no effort to keep in touch. You send him sweet ‘good morning’ texts. You call him to ask about his day. He responds, but never texts first.

It’s like talking to a wall that never breaks no matter how much you hammer. These are signs a man is confused about you. After a point, you feel like you are in a one-sided relationship that’s going nowhere.

7. He doesn’t open up to you emotionally

He may be smart, handsome, funny but emotional vulnerability is not one of his redeeming qualities. That includes not letting you into his inner self. Yes, he is happy if you are happy and empathizes with you in your misery.

But ask him to share his deeper thoughts and he is tongue-tied. The same goes for expressing his feelings for you. He may not still be sure about this relationship. Or is it his lifelong fear of commitment or insecurities from past trauma stopping him from showing his vulnerable self?

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8. He comes back every time you try to move on

“I walked away and he came back. Why won’t he let me off the hook once and for all?” asks our reader Alicia from New Jersey.

Walking away from a confused man is not an easy one-way street. The moment he sees he is losing grasp over you, he will guilt trip you into taking him back. It takes for him to lose you to recognize your value. 

But when the same pattern repeats itself more than once, mark it as one of the signs a man is confused about his feelings for you. We are not invalidating his affection altogether. He is just not emotionally secure enough to face and assert his feelings for you.

As we said, a confused man is a dangerous man, especially for your mental well-being.

9. He is with you for his own benefits

His skepticism can be explained another way. This relationship is nothing but a give-and-take for him. His feelings are not genuine; they never were. He makes you feel desired and loved only when he can squeeze something he needs out of you. He acts interested and then backs off after his needs are met.

It could be putting him through medical school or fulfilling his physical urges. He may come back and butter you up whenever he needs a place to crash in the city. It’s his world-class manipulation skills that gaslight you every time into believing he likes you.

10. He gets jealous even after friend-zoning you

No wonder you thought he had officially friend-zoned you after he started calling you ‘bro’. He even asks for your help to get other girls’ numbers. You find yourself setting up dates for him.

But after all of this, he is highly protective of you. Whenever you have a date with someone, he would background check that guy and find ten reasons you shouldn’t go on this date. He will ensure you reach home safely at night. He acts weirdly if you are out with another guy. He tries hard to suppress his jealousy but somehow it comes to the surface.

It’s because you got yourself a confused man in love. He has a thing for you. He just doesn’t see it yet.

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11. Can sleep with you but holding hands is off limits

When a guy is confused about his feelings for you, he wouldn’t want the world to know about his liaison. But there is no hesitation in being intimate behind closed doors.

Does he practically worship you before sleeping with you and start avoiding you after? Then there’s a chance he is in this only for physical pleasure. He is not bothered to quench your needs for affection and emotional validation. Naturally, he rules out any form of PDA including hugging and hand-holding. 

12. You haven’t gone on a real date yet

It’s not a secret that he loves spending time with you. He won’t miss a single opportunity of meeting with you but it will mostly be in group settings. You are either talking to each other over the phone or texting all the time, but he hasn’t yet mustered the courage to ask you out for a format day.

Why hasn’t he proposed the idea of taking you out on a date? Because he is unsure about his feelings for you. All these are clear signs a guy doesn’t know what he wants. 

13. He doesn’t admit his feelings but his body language says otherwise

It may take him some time to acknowledge that he likes you. Meanwhile, his body language can reveal much about his true intentions. You will catch him staring at you a lot. But the moment he sees you seeing him, he will act nonchalant and look away.

You may find him even more cute acting all nervous around you like fixing his shirt or fidgeting his watch. He pretends to not pay attention to you, but knows every single detail about you.

And fair warning, he may try to fill in the silence with his corny jokes and awkward laughter. He is not confused; he is oblivious to his feelings for you. Just wait until he realizes what he truly wants.

What To Do When A Guy Is Confused About His Feelings For You? 

Let’s face it, you are done tolerating his incertitude. You are done being taken for granted. You are on the edge and desperately need to convert your situationship into a relationship. So, you want him to think about you day and night? Let’s discuss effective ways to get him to think about you:

• Stop chasing him: If you want to make him subconsciously want you, stop making your moves so apparent. If you panic or doubt yourself, it will only feed his narcissistic traits. If you fight him all the time or nag for attention, it will push him further away. We suggest, don’t try so hard
• Give him space and time to think: He won’t be able to figure out what he wants with you breathing down his neck. Sometimes let him feel your absence. This way he will realize your worth without any external pressure. And when he comes back, it will be because he wanted to and not because you forced him into loving you
• Let him know how you truly feel: We are not asking you to hold off the love and attention entirely. You are not out there to punish him. He probably acts puzzled because he doesn’t have a clear idea of your feelings. So, communicate—tell him how much you love him. Do something to make him feel special. Compliment him more often. Give him cute nicknames 
• Find ways to touch him: Affectionate touch as a love language can make a guy go crazy thinking about you. When you go to the movies, sit a little closer. Stroke his arm or pat his back gently as you talk. Hold his hands while walking down the street. If you want to spice it up, graze his thigh when he is driving or whisper sweet nothings into his ear
• Stand by his side to fight his insecurities: How to make a confused man want you? Help him face his insecurities. He may have deep-seated commitment phobia or abandonment issues. Make him realize that with you, it will be different because you see through him and still want him as your partner. He can finally let go and love with all his heart

Now you know all the major signs a man is confused about his feelings for you. Which ones do you think apply to your man? Whether he is skeptical about asking you out or keeps you hanging on the hook, there’s always a way to make a man come around. 

Infographic: Signs A Man Is Confused About You

Some men can benefit from space and time to think through what they want from you and this relationship. Some may need enough reassurance and love to overcome their fear of losing you.

Please remember, no man is bigger than your dignity and peace of mind. Communicate your terms clearly.  Everything else will fall into place.