Things You Need To Know If Your Ex Is Getting Married

Your ex is getting married. That’s a lot to take in so we’ll take a deep breath first because this can be alarming for anyone if not soul-crushing. You won’t believe this but my ex got married three months after we broke up. 3 months!

Talk about moving on at a lightning speed and he would win all the awards. I didn’t just have to deal with him getting married but I also had to deal with the fact that his new wife was perfect. I was in so much pain and I was a complete mess. I felt every negative emotion hitting me all at once. I was angry, jealous, hostile, and I felt a bit betrayed even though we had broken up. I also went on several casual dates. 

None of these things were healthy and I had no one to guide me. If you are in a similar situation and found out your ex got married, don’t lock yourself up in your room. I reached out to Shruti Doss, Clinical Psychologist and the founder of The Mynd Space for her expert insight on coping with your ex getting married. Plus, I have shared all that possibly worked for me, though I had it very very tough. When I asked her why does it hurt so much even though we parted ways on our own, she said, “From a therapeutic lens, an ex getting married often reactivates unresolved grief – even if you thought you had “moved on.” This doesn’t mean you want them back. It means a chapter has officially closed, and your nervous system is catching up to that reality.”

Stay with me till the end and find out what to do when your ex gets married quickly. How I wish I’d known these sooner!

10 Things You Need To Know If Your Ex Is Getting Married

No, you can’t behave like Rachel and show up at your ex’s wedding hoping your ex will take your name instead of the bride’s. That’s not fair for anyone in this situation. You need to stay away from being and making any hasty decisions. Instead, scroll down and read about all the things you need to know if your ex is getting married:

1. You have to go through the stages of grief 

Denying yourself to feel sad and grieved now that your ex is tying the knot will do you no good. Your ex was someone important to you, and no matter where you are in life now, the news of their committing to someone could trigger feelings. It is important to accept your feelings, in order to let them go. And our expert agrees, “Grief after a breakup isn’t linear, and news like this can push you backward temporarily. Therapists often remind clients that revisiting anger or sadness doesn’t mean regression – it means unfinished emotional processing.”

The five stages of grief include:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

Experience these stages and feel all the emotions that come with it. Let go of that anger and depression by focusing on self-care. 

Plus, there are chances you may want to keep stalking their social media accounts to see if they post more details about the wedding. Don’t do that.  Grab some snacks and watch a movie to keep your head cool. You will soon start accepting it and it will be alright. 

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2. Understand that it has nothing to do with you

Your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend starting a new chapter in their life has nothing to do with you. Just because they moved on and decided to say yes to a serious commitment doesn’t mean your relationship with them didn’t matter.

I am sure you are wondering if you meant anything to them. You did. 

Just how your ex partner was an important part of your life irrespective of who you are with at the moment, similarly you too must have left an imprint on their life. Your shared experiences will remain yours.

But the only way life moves is forward. Let them enjoy their life and you can enjoy yours. And Shruti agrees, “Many people personalize their ex’s milestones as proof of their own inadequacy. In therapy, this is understood as meaning-making – the mind trying to explain pain by blaming the self, even when the event isn’t about you.”

3. Drunk calling or texting them is a bad idea 

This point caught Shruti’s attention the most. She asserted, “Impulse contact often comes from emotional flooding – when feelings override logic. Creating distance during intense emotional states is not avoidance; it’s emotional regulation.” So, if you have drowned your sorrows in booze, hide your phone because alcohol impairs your ability to think clearly. It makes you do things you wouldn’t do in a sober state of mind.

So, do not drunk dial your ex and make a fool out of yourself especially if they broke up with you or if there is a strict no-contact rule. Drunk texting is also not right.

It is natural to feel like your ex moved on as if you were nothing for them. Even if that was true, it is a good thing that they are not with you now. Getting all emotional and calling them after you are 3 Tequila shots down will actually make you look like someone who is still hung up on their ex.

You will look like the desperate one here. If you aren’t drunk but you still want to talk to your ex, don’t do it. They are starting their new life and it’s best you stay away from it. You can wish them well but that’s it. Nothing beyond that will make this situation better for you. 

4. Remember you broke up for a reason

Sometimes when we are so engulfed in reminiscing the happy times that we forget all the pain and misery our ex partners gave us. You are doing the same thing. Think why the two of you decided to part ways in the first place. 

• What went wrong in your relationship that you both decided parting your ways is the only solution?
• Was there any instance of infidelity, disrespect, or just incompatibility that you had to call it quits? 
• Is it that you broke up because your ex never loved you?

Think about it before sulking in your room and feeling sorry for yourself. You two broke up, for a reason, and that reason still exists. Our expert cautions, “Nostalgia tends to soften memory. Therapists often encourage “balanced recall” – remembering both the love and the incompatibilities – to prevent idealizing what was never sustainable.”

Rita, my friend from high school, told me the other day, “My ex is getting married after a year. I just keep thinking about the vacation we took to celebrate our second anniversary. I have to balance it out by thinking about all the bad things he did to me. Life is good but I keep wondering if I should congratulate him.”

5. Congratulate them if you’re on good terms

If the two of you are still friends after ending the relationship and there’s no ill feeling, then go ahead and congratulate them on getting engaged/married.  Make sure you’ve both come to terms with your past relationship and that’s why you’ve decided to stay friends. Hold no expectations or try to ignite no memories. Shruti weighs in, “Being able to offer neutral goodwill is a sign of emotional integration, not emotional closeness. It reflects acceptance, not attachment.”

Send them good wishes and you can keep the conversation formal. You can talk about your new job and you can ask where their career is headed. Don’t talk about your new relationships or dig deep into theirs. Keep it surface-level, and ensure your contact comes from a place of acceptance, not expectations.

6. Your life is not a competition 

This is something I did a lot when I found out my narcissist ex is getting married. I kept comparing my miserable life with it and cried myself to sleep every night. I was upset with myself and kept wondering how could he find someone to marry so easily while I was caught in the cycle of vicious self-loathing.

When I spoke to Shruti about it, she advised, “Comparison after a breakup often reflects anxious attachment – the urge to measure worth through milestones. Healing begins when timelines stop being used as evidence of success or failure.” What I needed to realize was that everyone moves on at a different pace. He just happened to move on faster. I kept thinking if I should also think about marriage and settling down. That’s because I kept comparing the paces at which we were moving.

However, I was clearly not ready for any kind of commitment at that moment. It took me two years to get over him. These were the most painful, longest two years of my life.

That’s why believe me when I tell you to not compare yourself with your ex. They happened to get married. You don’t force yourself to find someone and love them. You have a good life and the universe has written a better story for you. You are just too sad to see it at the moment. 

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7. Visualizing their wedding will do more harm than good 

Sitting and daydreaming about your ex getting married? That’s a big NO. They are living their best life and you don’t need to feel FOMO about it. This can also reopen wounds and lead to feelings of jealousy and regret. Wondering if they chose the same flowers for decoration as you imagined together will hurt you and leave you sad. You might even end up feeling inadequate, lost and rejected.

These visualizations will make you question your life choices. Think of this day as a normal day. 

Here are a few things you can do instead of visualizing your ex’es wedding:

• Go out with your friends and family members
• Take a solo trip and explore new places
• Volunteer at a food shelter 
• Paint, read, write, or watch a movie

Focus on your well-being and invest your time and energy into the things that will bring you joy and happiness. 

8. Remember you have other happy relationships to be proud of 

It is okay to feel sad about your ex getting married but it’s not like you are alone in this world and you need to feel bad for yourself all the time. The important thing here is that you have friends, siblings, cousins, parents, and perhaps, even a new partner now. Shruti says, “Comparison after a breakup often reflects anxious attachment – the urge to measure worth through milestones. Healing begins when timelines stop being used as evidence of success or failure.”

All these people love and cherish you. You need to do the same. Celebrate them. Take them out to dinners and have a crazy time together making new memories.

I did the same thing when my ex told me he is getting married. I made sure I kept my loved ones near me at all times. Not only they were my support system and kept me away from depressing thoughts, they also made me feel thankful for having my back.

It was then I realized how lucky I am to have my people take care of me when I could have actually ended up emotionally wrecking myself.

9. Respect your ex and their spouse 

Another important thing you need to know when your ex is getting married is that you must maintain the same level of respect for them that you did before.

Don’t talk thrash about them with your friends and don’t spread rumors. This shows you in a negative light. It proves that you are the one who is unable to let go and move on. I did this and I am ashamed of it today. 

Here are some reasons why respecting your ex husband/ex wife and their new partner is important:

• It will help you achieve closure
• It shows your ability to handle difficult emotions and situations with grace and maturity
• By respecting your ex and their spouse, you set a positive example for future relationships
• When you indulge in respectful behavior, it leaves little to no space for negative interactions

It doesn’t matter whether it’s been two years or five years after the breakup. What matters here is how you treat them after they’ve moved on. 

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10. Know that love will find you again 

Stop saying, “My ex is getting married and it hurts”. Your relationship is done and dusted. You need to come to terms with it and understand that there are plenty of fish in the sea. Love will find you again if you open your doors.

Constantly thinking about your ex and saying no to other people won’t help. Put yourself out there and meet new people. Trust your destiny and have faith in the universe. And as they say, the best kind of relationships always begin unexpectedly and at the most unexpected time. Hope is in moving forward, and as Shruti advises, “Hope after heartbreak isn’t naïve – it’s resilience. Therapists often note that people who allow grief to run its course tend to form healthier bonds later.”

5 Tips To Help You To Cope With Your Ex’s Marriage 

I remember the times when I used to say, “My ex is getting married and I still love him.” I kept feeling I was never going to move on and will spend my life loving my ex, no matter his current relationship dynamics.

But unrequited love was not for me. It was silly of me to think I will never be able to move on and I laugh about it today.

It is important to make mistakes and learn from them. I am sharing some of my tips that will help you cope with your ex’s marriage. These tips certainly helped me feel better:

1. Practice gratitude and stay hopeful

Your ex is getting married and you’ve reached a new level of sadness. And that’s okay. But don’t start counting only the bad things in your life. That won’t do you any good. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of your own life and the things that you are grateful for. Our expert suggests, “Gratitude isn’t denial of pain; it’s emotional grounding. It helps the brain shift from loss-orientation to restoration-orientation.”

This can shift your perspective and help you appreciate what you have rather than dwelling on what you have lost. Plus, you need to stay hopeful. Believe that this period of adversity is only temporary and that you will emerge stronger and more resilient.

Better days are approaching and new opportunities for love and happiness are just around the corner.

2. Create distance with your ex

If your ex’s marriage is taking a toll on your mental health, you need to draw boundaries. Here are a few things you can do to create distance with your ex:

• You just saw an update on Facebook and it shook you. Protect your mental peace by muting, hiding, or restricting notifications from their account
• Tell your friends not to talk about your ex as it triggers you
• Consider taking a break from social media till you have found a way to cope with your feelings
• Delete their pictures and videos from your phone

These things will help you maintain emotional distance from your ex. And remember, as Shruti puts it wisely, “Distance is a boundary, not punishment. Healing requires reducing exposure to emotional triggers until regulation returns.”

3. Reflect on the lessons you learned

Use this time to reflect on what you learned from your past relationship and how you can apply those lessons to your future relationships or personal growth.

• Were you a controlling partner?
• Did you cheat on them?
• Did you hurt them purposefully?
• Did you self-sabotage your own relationship?

Shruti asserts the importance of reflecting on these lessons, Reflection becomes healing only when it’s compassionate. Self-blame keeps you stuck; self-awareness sets you free.”

Life has given you another chance to be a better partner. Therefore, learn from your mistakes and from theirs too. 

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4. Focus on personal goals and self-care

Project all your energy toward pursuing your own goals and ambitions. Whether it is advancing in your career, learning new skills, or exploring new hobbies, you need to focus on personal growth. This is an empowering move to feel good about yourself. 

And this is the time you need to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, hobbies, spending time with supportive friends, or practicing mindfulness. Shruti suggests, “After relational loss, rebuilding identity outside of partnership is essential. Personal goals restore agency and self-trust.”

5. Forgive and let go 

Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean that you must hold them or yourself accountable for what happened in the past. It means releasing yourself from bitterness and resentment. And our expert puts it rightly, “Forgiveness is not reconciliation – it’s release. Letting go doesn’t erase the past; it simply means the past no longer controls your emotional present.”

Let it go. You don’t need this extra baggage of negative emotions toward your ex and their spouse. This will definitely free up space for positivity and healing in your life.

Lastly, if you find it difficult to cope with your emotions or if everything feels unbearable, seek support from a therapist or counselor. Professional help can provide you with tools and strategies to navigate this emotional process effectively.

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Coping with the news of your ex getting married can be emotionally draining. It can stir up a mix of feelings. From nostalgia to envy and uncertainty about the future, you will go through it all. Your reaction is valid but don’t let it define or drive you to do things you wouldn’t otherwise. Lives are meant to be lived in the present and not in the past. Thus, enjoy the day, focus on moving forward, and embrace your path to happiness and fulfillment.

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