Did your date cancel at the last minute? That must be disappointing. We know you were so looking forward to this evening. It was supposed to be perfect with good food, some sparkling wine, maybe a romantic walk back home and perhaps a kiss. And now this person flakes on you. “Sorry, can’t make it tonight”—just like that. How to respond to a canceled date you so were looking forward to?
Do you ghost them?
Do you give them the benefit of the doubt and ask to reschedule?
Or you have already been made to feel unimportant and now you simply don’t want to do this again?
What’s the protocol? You don’t even know if they canceled for a genuine reason or blowing off their dates is their way to get attention.
What if they are not so keen to see you? Perhaps they met someone else recently and decided to leave you hanging?
Either way, it hurts your feelings. Personally, I like to think of myself as a very organized person, but there are times when I end up canceling on other people. At times, the responses are too long and personal, with information I could do without. At other times, the person understands and accepts my apologies and we decide to meet some other time.
But it is not the same with me. If someone cancels on me, I feel very disoriented. Being an introvert, it anyway takes me 2 working days to prepare myself for a date, and getting canceled on leaves me miserable and angry. With time, and my own experiences, I have understood that rational thinking and some wine helps me get past the inevitable thing that we call “life”.
So is this person rude or inconsiderate to cancel on you? Not necessarily. This article will resolve all your doubts. Let’s discuss how to deal with a situation with poise when a guy or girl cancels on you.
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How To Respond To A Canceled Date
A canceled date obviously doesn’t bring a lot of hope or positivity. Your intrusive thoughts might get the best of you. Right now you don’t know if this person is worth waiting for.
At the same time, worries cloud your mind if they are doing okay. It’s difficult to not take it personally when a date bails on you, but it is easier said than done. Unless you were yourself looking out, a cancelation text or e-mail can hurt you a good deal.
But things happen in life that are not always in our control. People are busy. We get stood up. We feel upset. But with some time and perspective, we make it through.
Let’s discuss making it through but this time without losing our dignity and peace of mind. As it is, it is already devastating to be stood up, add to that the anguish and anger and we can quickly loose our cool. We certainly don’t want that.
Before we get to the ‘how to respond to a canceled date’ part, understanding the reason behind the cancellation is important. So, here’s what it could be:
- There is a good reason like a family emergency, or work or health crisis
- They bailed out because they couldn’t get the reservations at the restaurant promised and did not want to make a bad impression
- They made some other plans and this date was not their priority
- They lost interest in you
- There is someone else in the picture
- Something suddenly happened and they decided to blow you off
If you are saying, “He canceled our date because of work. Should I give him the benefit of the doubt? Or should I make him work for another one?”—Well, your response to canceled dates should depend on:
- Whether they have a good and genuine reason to cancel on you
- Whether they try to make it up to you, like do they apologize and propose rescheduling the meet
- How many times do they cancel – is it the first time or they have done it earlier as well
- How well you know them
- How long and meaningful your relationship is and what does your gut feeling say
You may want to remember these do’s and don’ts before responding to a canceled date:
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Dos When Responding To A Canceled Date
- Keep the tone of your message neutral – you do not want to come across as desperate
- If you are angry take some time to cool down before responding so your choice of words is not affected by your anger
- Wait for them to take the initiative to reschedule the date, do not propose the idea yourself
- Instead of wasting this time sobbing and feeling like a mess, make a great night out of it. Go out with your friends or treat yourself with something nice to feel better
- Post a few pictures online if possible so this person would know what they are missing out on
Don’ts When Responding To Someone Who Canceled On You
- Don’t make your feelings too explicit. Don’t express how disappointed or upset you are by typing long messages and overexplaining
- Don’t already assume they are not interested in you. If anything, assume they have a genuine reason to cancel on you
- Don’t emotionally manipulate them or push them to see you another time soon. Forced relationships do not work in the long run
- Don’t ask them point-blank for an excuse
Now you have an idea about how to respond to canceled date. But it was all talk. Let us give you 11 template messages for responding to different scenarios in real life:
1. “Ah, you just missed the best company and the best sushi in town. Kidding (wink)! Hope we can catch up soon. Take care!”
When: If someone cancels the very first date
Why: We all have certain expectations from a first date. And when someone is unable to make it for this special date, it is bound to make you angry and hurt, both. Of course, being ghosted on the first date is nothing but saddening and will pain you.
There is nothing wrong with feeling bad at this point. But if you are really interested in seeing this person in the long run, it’s better not to give them a hint of your desperation. When you say something along this line, it shows you have taken it in good humor. And you communicate that you would still want to see them at a later date.
The ball is in their court now. Hopefully, they are able to make it up to you the next time around.
2. “Honestly, I am getting a little tired of your poor planning and scheduling skills. If you ever decide to show up on time, give me a call. Or maybe not!”
When: If a girl cancels on you twice or more (or a guy)
Why: Let’s deal with it a bit differently if it’s happening for the second time. Once is understandable. But if a girl/guy cancels on you twice or more than that, you need to set boundaries.
At this point it is alright to let them know that you do not think they have been planning very well and that is a huge turn-off for you. It also lets them know that showing up on time is important.
It is evident that they don’t take you or this meeting very seriously. Keeping their other plans was more important than sticking to the commitment they made to you. How about you give them an out and see if they can set their priorities straight? Perhaps, the next person they date will benefit from your message!
3. “Too bad you are busy tonight. I had the most romantic night planned for you. If we are going to do it next week, you better sweep me off my feet.”
When: If your date cancels on you but offers to reschedule
Why: How to respond to a canceled date if they feel bad about bailing on you? We suggest that you be a little understanding and accept their proposal and apologies graciously.
If you can sense they are genuinely sorry for canceling out on you and have themselves offered to reschedule, it is a sign that they are still interested in getting to know you. That is a good enough reason to give them another chance and see how that works.
Acknowledge their apologies. Let them know you were somewhat disappointed too. And take things forward from there.
Sometimes life happens. People get stuck. That doesn’t mean they aren’t dying to meet you too. There’s no need to take it personally, at least yet.
4. “No worries, things happen.”
When: If someone cancels but doesn’t plan to meet at a later date
Why: “Hey, sorry I can’t make it today. I know you’d understand”—now that text has written lack of effort all over it. When a girl/guy cancels a date without rescheduling, stop trying to make it work. There is no need to ask for or give an explanation. A short, succinct reply like this will let them know that you have left the chat open. But you are not necessarily waiting for them.
Even though you are in tears, pretend like your life is unaffected by the impromptu cancellation. And send the ball to the other person’s court. Let them decide whether they want to meet you another week. If yes, let them pick where and when, if you still feel inclined to see them.
5. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I understand. Hope your dad feels better soon. Let me know if there’s anything I can do. I will wait to hear from you.”
When: If there is a valid personal reason behind the cancelation
Why: It’s one of those occasions when you can give this person the benefit of the doubt. It is also something that you should try to be empathetic about, even though you were looking forward to spending time with them.
Clearly, they had a good reason to call off the date. Family situations can rise unexpectedly and one needs to be there for their people. In unavoidable situations like a family emergency or a work crisis, there’s not much we can do. And even if it is a way he is testing you, it won’t be so bad if you show empathy and make an effort to reschedule the date as soon as possible.
However, it is a good idea to check on them once in a while in such situations.
6. “Can’t say that I am not disappointed. Do you know how hard is it to get a table at (name of a busy restaurant)? Anyway, see you soon, I guess!”
When: If they cancel but don’t tell you why
Why: Given that you have no idea why this date is canceled, it’s only natural to imagine the worst possible scenarios. Perhaps you two have just started dating and he does not want to tell you of the family drama that caused the cancelation of the date. Or perhaps she suddenly received some bad news and wants you not to know about it as yet.
Scenarios such as this should also be weighed under parameters of relationship length, the level of comfort, and the number of times you have actually met.
We don’t blame you if you feel upset and can’t hide your frustration. So, do the next best thing. Mask your grievance with humor and politeness. This way they realize it was wrong not to offer an explanation. And you don’t lose your moral high ground.
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7. “It’s okay.”
When: If the date is canceled at the last moment
Why: How to respond when someone cancels plans last minute? You should barely dignify this kind of behavior with a response. You were all dressed up and happy, and that’s when they texted. It doesn’t matter to them that your time is valuable too.
Plus, this sudden change of plans is bound to take a hit on your good spirit too. Unless they come up with a very convincing reason, acknowledge their message curtly, and move on for good.
Give the long texts and overwhelming language a break for people like this. It will only make it all ugly. But since you have already dressed up, and looking chic, why not hit the bar for some drinks with friends or even solo? Game, eh?
8. “No, it’s cool. We can go for a coffee later this week. I am game if you are.”
When: If they talk to you a few days in advance that they won’t be able to make it
Why: How to respond to a canceled date that your love interest canceled days before? Well, it might still sting a bit but there should be no hard feelings if they had the courtesy to let you know in advance. It in a way shows they value your and their time. They have not stood you up or kept you in the dark till the last moment.
I’d like to know more about them. So if I were you, I would work out on how to meet them.
You can take the initiative to reschedule at both of your convenience. However, do confirm the date politely as well. We are sure everything will work out this time!
9. “You don’t know me very well. So, let me tell you if a someone cancels a date with me, they rarely get four or five more chances. Then, we are definitely over.”
When: If he or she keeps in touch regularly even after canceling the date
Why: If someone has the audacity on canceling you multiple times, then you need to buckle up and send them a text where they can understand that the next time, canceling is not an option.
See, either they are interested in you but couldn’t meet you because they were genuinely busy or tied up with something. But what are the odds of the same coincidences happening every time? It’s as if the Universe only wants to keep you both away. Then, for the greater good of the world, you should set them free.
The other explanation is they are keeping you on the back burner. Maybe they are already seeing someone else and you are nothing more than a back-up plan. Your dating app chats will never see the light of the day, not unless they come out clean.
What to do if a guy/girl canceled the date but are still texting? Play along if you want, but it’s better not to get your hopes up with someone like this. Keep it light and fun. If they agree to a date later and actually show up, you can take it from there.
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10. “Are you sure you want to see me? Let me make it easier for you and take dating off the table for good. Ciao!”
When: If this person cancels plans all the time
Why: So, you are hoping they will maybe leave their girlfriend for you, and they may realize how good the two of you are together. Well, they may or may not show interest in you someday. And you are waiting for that day when they will finally ask you out on a romantic date and express their feelings?
Honey, take the hint. They keep postponing because their intentions are pretty clear. Perhaps they like hanging out with you or using you when they are bored, but despite what they say, their actions speak more for them.
Is it worth all the humiliation they are putting you through? It‘s better not to imagine that far. End things once and for all when it should be.
11. Say nothing
When: If your date stands you up
Why: Let’s not get hung up on understanding and rescheduling. This is not something that needs a discussion. What’s the point in talking about why they stood you up? It’s a sign of disrespect and a huge red flag for any budding relationship.
If they cancel a date without any prior intimation, make sure this doesn’t happen a second time. Do not let anyone take you for granted like that! Lay low and let them lose you.
Coming back to how to respond to a canceled date, here is all we have for you.. We bet now you can navigate a similar situation like a pro with our insights. Next time a girl/guy cancels a date without rescheduling, let them take the fall. People should know who’s the real catch here. Self-love and self-care are bigger than all the men and women who will come into your life. Always put yourself first!
