16 Painful Signs He Just Wants To Sleep With You

Just the other day, one of my friends called to say she is confused whether her boyfriend of 6 months is just interested physically in her, or he feels love and affection for her. “Does he just want to sleep with me, use me and then just move on with his life?” She sounded sad, as anyone grappling with this question would. 

Imagine, giving your all to someone just to realize you missed the signs he just wanted to sleep with you! I know, when it comes to flings or one-night stands, both parties involved know the outcome- but when you feel you are in a romantic relationship, committed, and yet are unsure whether you are just in a physical relationship – it could get frustrating. 

To help my friend, and many of you, we have compiled a list of top signs a man just wants you for your body. If you could identify with even 50% of them, I suggest you have a clear, open and honest communication with your partner about where your relationship – or situationship- is headed and make your choice accordingly. 

What Are The Signs He Just Wants To Sleep With You?

Now that we are here, let us discuss the sad signs he just wants to be with you for your body, and is not committed to you as a partner. If you can feel most of the below things are happening with you – trust your gut feeling, and consider taking a break for now. Ascertain your relationship with a clear head, understanding what you want and what you are getting and then take a call. 

1. You Only Meet Alone – At His Place or Yours

There is a pattern to this- at first, he woos you with all his sweet words and then tells you how he just cannot be anywhere else but in a private place with you. Alone. Then it happens repeatedly. If you plan a date, he dodges it smartly, but comes to your place at night, just to make up, you know. 

The same thing happens, over and over again. He calls you at his place to spend the night or be with him for a few hours, but barely makes it to any public place. His intent is clear- he just wants to spend intimate time with you, minus the distractions. 

Even if you two do end up grabbing a coffee, he keeps telling you how he can’t wait to touch you, or kiss you until you become weak and then leads you straight to bed. It is like there is no other shared experience you both know of, outside the bedroom. These are some early signs your relationship will not last forever.

2. No One Knows About You

This one is a classic subset of the above. Because he rarely meets you outside the bedroom, no one technically knows about you. You might be a couple (in your eyes and in his speech) but there is nothing closely couple-like with you two. 

• If he gets a call when he is with you, he never tells he has company
• If he is in a public place with you, he does not walk with you, or hold your hands. It is as if you are with a stranger.
• He is active on social media, but you are absent from his SM account
• He never lets you click pictures, and if he does, he begs you not to post them or does not allow himself to be tagged
• He asks you to take your belongings with you after the night, as if you were never there

If this is how your relationship is panning out, it does not take rocket science to figure out what is happening here. But yes, love is blind and so you cannot see these small things unless you feel something drastically wrong – but the red flags were always there. 

3. He Shows Zero Interest In Your Personal Life

Simply because he is not interested in you. Tell us:

• Does he care to know where you come from, what was your childhood like?
• Does he ever ask you about your future aspirations?
• Has he ever allowed you to be vulnerable with him?
• Does he care about anything going on with your life?

Let me guess- the answer to all of the above questions is No. It’s not by chance it is by choice. He is carefully avoiding getting to know you better because he does not need to. Why bother someone’s personal life when the connection is just physical. 

On the contrary, he understands your body well. He knows what sparks you, what turns you on and what to say to get you in the mood. That is where his efforts lie.

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4. …Neither Does He Share His

As is evident, just as he avoids knowing you personally, he also does not let his guard down. You know him as the man you see – perhaps his house- his colleagues, but nothing more.

If you happen to ask him about his family or future, he responds with something like, “I cannot talk when you are sitting in this blue dress looking eternally glamorous!” 

Or, “Hey Babe, how about we talk about this after we shower! I really can’t think of anything else for now!”

So for someone who is only pretending to be in a relationship with you for physical benefits, he is doing right. But if this is not in line with your expectations from the relationship, you need to clearly talk this out.

5. You Do Not Feel Any Emotional Connection With Him

Because he cleverly shies away from any non-physical conversation, keeping you and your life at a distance, you do not feel emotionally connected with him. It is a routine where you can trace his steps- and nothing from the ordinary ever happens. 

• He never asks you about how your day was
• He rarely replies to your texts, other than the times they are to meet him
• If you seem upset, he only focuses on making you feel better by sleeping with you, he has never tried to understand the situation or offer advice
• He never seeks your opinion on anything- and even if you happen to push your voice, he does not value it
• You do not engage in any other quality time activities ever – it’s always straight to bed, wham and bam

Someone who is genuinely interested in you stays by you in your tough time. True, physical compatibility is an important aspect in a relationship, but it is not the only. A relationship flourishes when sex is an extension of love, affection, intimacy and compatibility. The above are the signs he wants a no-strings attached relationship with you – where he gets what he wants without having to navigate the complexities.

6. There Is Negligible Effort From His Side

You told him you are unwell. He responds with “Ok, Take Care”. That’s it. No one comes over to you with soup or takeaway and medicines to tend to you. No flowers or chocolates to make you feel better. Hell, not even a follow up text for days, unless he feels the need to warm up. Then also, his desires take the lead. “I really want to make love to you tonight, what say I drop by 8 at your place?”.

You see, no asking about how you have been, what have you been doing, whether you need something, nothing. Just telling you what he needs, when he needs, without a care about you. He wants you, but he only wants you at his own terms and for his own needs.

Next, ask yourself – how often does he make you feel special? Because during the initial few years men use all old-school cheesy-cute tricks to make the woman they like feel special- through flowers, gifts, special gestures, surprises – the list is endless. But if you do not recall any such effort from him for the past many months, you know he does not think you are ‘special’ to him. 

These are the signs he just wants to get in your pants, and is just toying with your heart faking a relationship with you. 

7. You Feel Alone, Even Though You Have A “Partner”

Because you are like a “secret affair”. He has not introduced you in his circles “as yet” because the right time has not come. You attend events alone, you visit cafes alone, and you even go to the movies by yourself or with your friends. 

And if you have common places to go to, he shamelessly flirts with other women in front of you. Who knows, he may as well be sleeping with other women as well. This is so because his relationship with you is purely physical, so in his mind – and his conscious, he is not doing anything wrong. He is in a physical relationship with you and does not feel emotionally responsible for these acts.

If you express your displeasure, or tell him you are hurt, he will snub you. “Don’t be so sensitive!” 

He has never told you he is committed to you, and has never lied either. This way, he stays clean. And then, there are plenty of ways to make up for it.

8. He Is Not There For You If You Are Going Through A Rough Patch

Unlike partners in healthy relationships who support each other through thick and thin, experiencing and encouraging growth together, someone who is not interested in a serious relationship with you is not keen to offer help, support or even words when you are going through something hard.

You will notice his absence from situations where he should have been with you, and even his concern will seem formal and forced. One word answers with no depth and zero empathy will make you feel alone lonely and utterly disappointed with the quality of your bond. 

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9. He Slips Sexual Innuendos In Every Conversation

Most women feel when a guy talks sexually to them, it means he is interested. Check out the below examples-

1. “I’m exhausted today.” “Yeah? I’m pretty good at helping people relax.”

Instead of asking you more about your day, he only slips in a subtle sexual innuendo to avoid creating an emotional bond with you. 

Let’s look at another example-

2. “My parents are putting a lot of pressure on me.”  “Pressure can be good if you know how to release it.”

He is trying to avoid emotional responsibility and suggests a sexual undertone to take your mind off the real problem. 

3. “I’ve been having back pain recently.” “I give great massages. Just let me!”

Instead of showing concern for your health and wellness, he is pushing for physical access. Again, a red flag for someone in a relationship. 

In all the above examples, you can see how easily he turns any conversation into a sexual one, without any care or concern for you, your situation, mental health, physical health or mood. Any support that he offers is sexual, and his statements suggest he believes all your struggles or problems can find a solution in sexual relief only.

This is not someone who loves you or cares for you. These are the signs he only wants you for your body, not yourself.

10. He Does Not Engage In Foreplay

Since all your man wants is to satisfy himself quickly and be on his way, he has only as much interest in foreplay. Unlike men in healthy relationships who give foreplay a significant time in order to be and make their partners get ready for sex both mentally and physically, he does not care about it all. For him, it is just a waste of time. He wants to get done and finished and get on with his life, sans you.

11. … Or After Sex Cuddles

Similarly, he is least bothered to give you cuddles or hushed “I love yous” after sex- because now he wants to go. He does not want to look into your eyes and tell you ‘he loves you’, or ‘this was awesome’, because he has attached no emotional value to the act. He may have an urgent meeting, a super important event to attend, or simply a family emergency. 

And for some men who do not leave early but are with you just for sex, they will slip into the shower, a long one, and by the time they come out the moment is gone. This way, there are no lies, no fake promises and certainly, no feelings of guilt. Plain and simple!

12. He Does Not Care For Your Satisfaction

Unlike men in healthy relationships who want their women to be satisfied as well as them, someone who does not value you will not care to satisfy you. But men are smart. They understand that if the woman feels nothing, she may decline the next time. So, they may make a little effort sometimes, just to make her cling, and expecting a better experience the next time. 

For him, he just loves the sex, at his convenience, at his call and the freedom of having it without any emotional investment. Truthfully, he does not care for your feelings at all. 

13. He Carefully Avoids Serious Conversations 

You ask to define the relationship, or where are you both going with it. And we can bet you never got a clear answer. He knows in his mind that he is just using you, and nothing ever is going to happen, but he won’t tell that to you, not unless he has found a replacement or has genuinely fallen in love with someone. 

So he tends to steer a serious conversation away to a sexual one, or pretends to be busy on his phone, feigning a headache- something will always come up to slide the conversation and without him having to lie. He pretty much knows this is a temporary fling and he sees no future with you, but he will still come the next night, and the next, because that is exactly what he wants from you. 

14. You Are Not A Part Of His Inner Circle

If you have been together for a few weeks, it is understandable that you have not yet been introduced to his friends and family. But if you have been together for months now, the organic progression should have been a formal introduction to atleast his core circle, if not to the whole world. 

You should be knowing some of his friends, and he should be a part of some of your girl-gang gatherings. But alas! You only meet up during the nights, he leaves early in the morning, you rarely meet outside of the rooms or in public view. Which leaves no opportunity to be known by anyone, or to know anyone that you are together. 

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15. He Gets Upset If You Say “No”

One of the sad signs he just wants to sleep with you is when all he wants is sex from you, and he gets upset if you do not entertain him. He does not care if you are unwell, sad, or just not feeling it- and if you refuse his advances, he gets upset, irritated, or even angry. His needs always come before yours.

But when a man really loves you, he may get slightly off if you refuse for physical intimacy, but he will understand. He knows that sex is not the only foundation of your relationship, so he wouldn’t mind going without it every now and then. There lies the basic difference between a man who loves you genuinely, and a man who is with you just for sex.

16. You Can Feel It In Your Gut

Lastly, no one knows it better than you. Not us, not your friends, not any expert, but you. If you have this feeling of being used by a man, and are unable to shake it off, take some time off him to carefully ascertain your feelings, his actions and conclude on the same in a rational way. 

You can sense how your man avoids everything that real couples do – 

• Go to the supermarket together
• Engage in other forms of intimacy
• Hang out with each other at public places
• Hang out or at least know each others’ friends
• Be private about their dating life, but public about their commitments
• Flaunt each other, happily, not feeling ashamed or embarrassed as if you are a dirty secret

Happy relationships make one feel safe, secure, content and above all, wanted and cared for. You should be able to grow in your life, along with your relationship and partner. Sex is a very important part of any romantic relationship, but it only builds up if there is emotional security and bonding. Without it, sex is just a physical act.

If you are wondering whether your boyfriend is serious about your relationship, and identify with the above signs, we hate to break it to you but he is not. These are not the signs of someone in love with you. Either you should be on the same wavelength, or you need to have a clear, honest conversation with yourself and your SO. In this case of mismatched relationship expectations, a chat with a therapist can also help you.

Infographic- Sad Signs He Just Wants To Sleep With You